Have you ever thought about an old traumatic memory and you experience that memory as if it was still happening today? Your thoughts drum up all the old emotions and it’s like you are right there all over again.

This type of emotional experience used to be normal for me. I had tried everything I knew to rid myself of these old emotions. I forgave myself, I forgave the other people involved, I tried over 20 different types of therapy, read numerous books, and more. I know all of these things helped my healing process in many ways. Some of the old memories were able to fade away and heal, but some of them stuck no matter what I tried.

Until the day I reached a pivotal moment in my journey. I made a full commitment to myself to heal from my past no matter what it took. I opened up my mind and heart to new and different solutions. I was nervous, but determined and committed.

I began to realize I had frustrations with my mom that didn’t make sense to me. I would be short with her and had little patience. I didn’t like how I was feeling or acting at all.

I decided it was time for me to take a step back and examine what was going on. During this time a ton of old memories and emotions came to the surface. I knew this wasn’t about my mom and my relationship now; my frustration was about the old pent up emotion that I never acknowledged or released.

I spent a few months allowing myself to process these old emotions. This is when I discovered that experiencing multiple emotions at the same time was normal. I felt compassion and love for my mom and at the same time I felt anger, sadness, and frustration.

Slowly but surely the intensity of the emotions began to fade away. I was able to think about my childhood and those past memories were no longer triggers for me. It felt amazing, I felt free to be the real me without all the baggage.

That is how I knew I was truly ready to move forward. I had the lessons and understanding that I needed. Some of them were….

  • That it was my job to heal those wounds within me, no one else can do that for me even if they wanted too.
  • To have patience with myself and this process. I have to allow my emotions the time they need to process through. If I try to force them to hurry up it would only set me back farther and slow the process. I had never done that at this level before and it proved to be very powerful in my ability to let the past go.
  • I have zero control of what other people are ready to see or work through. If I wait for someone else to get it before I work on myself then I am holding everyone back.
  • Follow my heart. Even though people may not understand why you are doing something for yourself, if the intention is for the greater good the truth will always come out.
  • Things may be uncomfortable and not look or feel so pretty, but that’s part of being human. Love yourself enough to allow the experience.
  • I can have compassion and understanding for myself and others without staying stuck in excuses. Use the understanding as a perspective for compassion.
  • Setting healthy boundaries is imperative. It is not about needing to get people out of your life. It’s about learning what is good for you and being okay with setting healthy boundaries around that.
  • For me the biggest take away by far was allowing myself to feel the depths of all the emotions, very often simultaneously. I embraced the emotions and did not try to compartmentalize them. Now if I have a little bump in the road I allow the emotions to occur and I am able to move through these feelings quickly and I can move on to bigger and better things.
  • And a truly amazing result is that now my mom and I can truly embrace our close connection without the old baggage and old emotions blocking the true love we have for one another.
  • This process has positively affected all my other relationships and my confidence with sharing this information!

The next time an old memory triggers you and you want to release it remember….

  1. Only you can release this trigger, no one else can do it for you
  1. Be patient with the process, allow your emotions their full course; this is the only way to truly release them. If you try to force it or rush it, you will only be stuffing them down again.
  1. You can’t control other people, you can only control yourself. Event + Response = Outcome. How you respond to a situation is the only part you can be responsible for. And the beauty is that how you respond will ultimately affect the outcome.

(Event + Response=Outcome is an equation I learned in Jack Canfield’s book “The Success Principles: How to get from where you are to where you want to be… Great book)

  1. Follow what feels right in your heart. Even if other people don’t understand it. Once the process has completed itself you may be amazed at how they react.
  1. Even when things appear difficult or hard, remember the goal of why you are doing it. You are doing it to be emotionally free of this trigger and its baggage. It will be so worth it in the long run. A little discomfort now, for a lot of joy and peace in the near future.
  1. You can have compassion and caring for yourself and others without staying stuck. Use this understanding as a tool to keep you moving forward.
  1. Set healthy boundaries for yourself. You can love people and still set boundaries with them. Boundaries help you to set limits on what you do and don’t want in your life.
  1. Embracing all your emotions may seem intense at first, but as you get used to allowing them their beautiful process you will move much quicker through little bumps in the road.
  1. Remember this process will strengthen you and your relationships.

Enjoy Embracing your Emotions to Evolve

From my heart to yours,

Danielle

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